OpEd, Politics

Destroying a friend with lies is just loan for he will pay it back (part 1)

By Ustaz Mark Bang


If all people are building their ways of doing things based on lies, even the whole world, I will never condone it. If this had never been part of my life I lived when I was young in the family, peer, and other groups.

I have never been associated with lies since day one, for some decades and even till now. One needs to live a life of perfection, though none on earth is perfect. First, give it a try, and there you would never plan to destroy innocent people with lies, especially your friends, colleagues, and relatives. Can a lie completely destroy a friendship or relationship? Lies are meant to destroy anything they are introduced into, be it a friendship or a relationship. The most basic and fundamental thing in any human affair is truth, and if you can’t serve that, I see no point of continuation. You know, when your lie is caught, not only the trust is broken but the relationship and your every former promise is also questioned, which in turn makes things salty between people, so better come clean. I seek always to kneel down before my Lord and confess everything and ask to be given ways for not telling lies. Many people are in the habit of doing ‘naked truth’ sessions so that they get us out of our regret of not telling the truth. For this, be on the side of telling the truth than lying, and all would be fine with you in where you live, work, or in your association.

It depends on the mindset of the person concerned. I have seen some people overreacting to even small practical lies, as if they were appointed torchbearers of the truth by God himself. Everybody lies; I have no doubt about it. But the fact is also that some people, though unaffected, create a lot of drama. If someone wants to end a friendship or relationship, a lie is the perfect sword to sever the ties. There is also this syndrome in people that if I lie, it’s for a good cause, but if you lie, then you are pure evil at play. People try to miniaturize their own lies and try to amplify or magnify others lies. I have just 1 thing to say: if you value the friendship/relationship, try not to lie, but if someone wants to break it over a lie, then it was never strong enough to last. It depends upon the magnitude of the lie. If it was intentional to demean the person and question the trust or faith, then it’s a threat. However, all worldly issues can be discussed and sorted. There is a way to apologize. If your friend or partner has a great heart, you can be forgiven for your mistake too. One should always take chances to save the relationship or the bond. Best of luck.

Yes, you are lying to your friend or in a relationship, which means you are not a loyal person; you are a cheater. One should always remember friendship and relationships built on trust and loyalty. If these two things are not in any friendship or relationship, then it can’t last for long. It can be over at any time. I told my friend a single lie; she found out, and now she doesn’t trust me anymore. What do I do? The best thing you can do is to apologize profoundly to your friend and refrain from lying to her in the future. Rebuilding trust is a long process; just be honest, show integrity, and let time do it work. I told my friend a single lie; she found out, and now she doesn’t trust me anymore. What do I do? Learn not to lie.

There are serious consequences if you lie to a person who trusts you. You’ve broken something very fragile, and it probably can’t be fixed. She may never trust again, as is her right, based on her experience. Should I continue to be friends with someone who I know is lying? If that person doesn’t value enough to tell you the truth, you probably shouldn’t value enough to worry. I don’t mean to drop them entirely, but don’t let them become too important to you. What do you do when someone has told a lie about you to destroy a relationship, when you don’t have any way of proving that it was a lie? If the person you are in a relationship with believes that lie and dumps you? I would say you realize that anyone who believes a lie without proof isn’t worth another thought. Let alone trying to prove it was a lie. Thank the liar for their imaginative falsehood about you. Shake their hand; their lack of honesty saved you from a relationship that wasn’t good. Your real and strong relationships wouldn’t take a lie at face value. How do secrets and lies destroy relationships? Without trust between two people, what else is there? Whatever the relationship, if we can’t trust that the other person is being honest and open with us, we will inevitably assume they don’t take us seriously, don’t care about our feelings, and ultimately won’t worry about letting us down with any kind of betrayal. Why would anyone believe someone who has constantly lied their entire life over the only person who has been honest with them? I know precisely what you are talking about. I know people begin to say. My sons have believed ugly lies about me, and they still seek to support the narcissist’s false narrative. It is honestly a dilemma. Zero explanations, and people are treated worse than a perfect stranger. I wish I knew why. Sons and daughters today are completely strangers because really and truly not having any concrete contract for almost decades implies I have no idea who they really are. Whatever the reasons, they prefer it the way it is today.

Can lying destroy your relationship if your partner always lies? Any relationship where you and your partner are lying to each other—it’s not a relationship; it’s a coping mechanism for your fear of loneliness. Can lying destroy your relationship if your partner always lies? If you’re involved with a pathological liar, then you are not in a relationship. You are being disrespected and used by the other party. Think about it. Would you remain in a job where your boss constantly lied to you? No, you would leave that toxic job. Suppose you had a daughter of dating age and she was involved with a guy who lied to her regularly. What would you do? I’m hoping you would sit her down and teach her about the things that actually make a healthy relationship. Do not think that your loyalty to this compulsive liar is going to change her for the better. How do you deal with the psychological aspects of being lied about?

Lying is an aggressive act; psychologically, it is viewed the same as violence (getting your own way without considering anyone else).  The entourage stuff is just harassment and power play. The main thing is that you can’t really control the actions of others. You have to be happy with how you react to it. It is upsetting and traumatic, but you must keep calm. Resorting to counter allegations is not a good idea. Neither is internalizing nor reacting. You need to talk to someone and get some allies and friends away from the problems to keep sane and not get obsessed with the unfairness of it all. The trouble with not reacting is you are building up resentment. Challenge any lies openly, but calmly: try and get evidence to support your views. No one has a right to be aggressive towards you. If they are, just refuse to reply until they are reasonable. What you have to avoid is feeling like a victim. Stick to your guns. It is stressful. In the end, people shouldn’t judge without listening to both sides of the story, but they will. Accept you might not win. Try and take the personality and anger out of the breakdown; the only tactic that might work is to keep as reasonable and detached as you can. View it as a logistics problem. You need a support network. Friends and family: don’t lash out at the wrong people. “Public Staunchest Ally”

The writer of this article is a human rights activist, writer, and professional teacher.


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