OpEd, Politics

Destroying a friend with lies is just a loan for he will pay it back (Part II)

By Ustaz Mark Bang

 

Lies are meant to destroy anything they are introduced into, be it a friendship or a relationship.

The most fundamental thing in any workplace is truth, and if you can’t keep telling the truth and base your interest on lies, this won’t help you, be respectful or known for being kind to others. I see no point in continuing as couples, friends, relatives, or colleagues.

You know, when your lie is known, not only the trust is broken but the relationship and your every former trust is also missed or lost, which in turn makes things quite unbelievable between people, so it’s better to be on the safest side of history and be known for truth-telling.

It’s not like I am perfect, but I have championed truth-telling. I do not like to lie; just like others, I may say they too don’t lie. But at the end of the day, if one lies, they kneel before their loved one and confess everything. They (you, him/her) are in the habit of doing ‘naked truth’ sessions so that it gets us out of our regret of not telling the truth. It’s healthy, and it bounds us closer when we tell the truth.

I have noticed that most friends I have had who were professional liars simply do it because they can. They have gotten away with it for long periods without anyone ever calling them out on their shit, so they feel so comfortable doing it that way since it becomes second nature. What I like to do, as an observative person, is call out an inconsistency in their stories and break them down. They eventually catch on that you cannot be bullshitted and give you some respect. They will lie to you less, but they will not try to hang around you, as it is their second nature to lie, and you take away their fun. These people are best avoided; they are usually very toxic and will find other ways to play you a canning game just like a serpent, the great dragon, or the devil. Anyway, it has so many names; call it anyway Lucifer’s ways of doing.

Making friendships that last for a lifetime can be more of a matter of chance, to be honest. Not because you aren’t willing to commit, but because you never really know if their commitment is as genuine as yours or if it is motivated by an interest. Because as soon as that interest changes, you will be done with as well. So the truth is, friendship is unpredictable. Maybe your best friend lies to you because they feel you’re not ready for the truth, and it may be too harsh for you. A lot of times we feel like we are prepared to hear the truth, but we truly aren’t. And our best people know it.

People leave when they like something else. Because not everyone treats their relationships like true commitments that are more important to them than anything else. Because people often don’t mean what they say. Because they would rather keep you entertained for a moment with their lies than break it to you that you don’t mean much to them. Because you could be important for future use, and they don’t want you to have the slightest hint of what they want from you. Or you could find people who value commitments. Who loves their word like anything? Who stays when all the world is falling apart for you? Who stays and helps when you need most? Who will be there even when you push them away? Who will understand what you don’t say? But none of them look like what they are. Appearances are deceptive. Simple looking, cute people could be nice. But the moment they have to choose between you and someone else, you might feel like it is you, but it won’t be. People who look stern, unfriendly, and hateful might turn out to be great, affectionate people who stand by their word. So you never know where you stand until they have an option to choose something over you. You never know until you get closer. But you will never get close enough. You basically have two choices. Confront them or ignore them.

The choice depends on how important the lie and the friendship are to you. If it’s a little thing, personally, I’d just ignore it. But also take note of how many times this happens. If this person habitually lies to you, it’s hard to consider them much of a friend. Friendship involves trust. You can’t trust someone who lies to you. If it’s a lie that feels rather important and/or hurts you, then I would confront them. By confronting, I don’t mean in any aggressive way. I mean in a calm, rational, even friendly discussion. I can give you a recent example of a situation I just had. I asked the guy that I’m dating a question, and his response was clearly a lie. It was a tiny lie, but because it’s early in the relationship, I felt that it was important to address it so that he understands early on that lying is something I can’t tolerate on any level in a relationship.

So I asked him again, calmly. It’s important not to accuse but simply to restate your question. I said something like, “I’m a little confused. Did you do?” And he admitted that he did. I asked him why he lied the first time, and he said he was afraid I’d get angry. In all honesty, that is a huge reason why people lie. They are concerned about how the other person will react. So I just said in a friendly tone, “I’ll be more upset if you lie. But if you’re straightforward and upfront with me, I’ll understand.” And I meant it. He understood how I felt and promised not to lie any more. Now only time will tell if he will actually follow through on that. But this is just an example of how I handled the situation. If you continually ignore someone’s lies, they will just keep doing it. But if it’s something that doesn’t happen very often, then it’s not a real problem. How you deal with these things depends on how important the friendship is to you. If you don’t want people to lie to you, you need to let them know. Plain and simple. If they continue to do it, then they are not respecting your feelings and are not a person you can trust. “Public Staunchest Ally”

The writer of this article is a Human rights activist, writer and professional teacher.

 

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