By Esther Lohutuhureng
Alcohol is a legal right in our country, South Sudan, provided that a person is not underage, yet some young people under 18 are also taking alcohol. However, the real challenge is that having an alcoholic husband is a nightmarish experience, believe it or not. Apart from health problems associated with alcohol, such as high blood pressure, heart disease, and liver diseases, alcohol is considered one of the factors contributing to gender-based violence (GBV). In some cases, the wife is the one who drinks while the husband does not, and the reverse is true, while sometimes both are drinkers.
Gender-based violence is violence directed against a person because of his or her gender, and it includes violence against women and men. Examples of GBV are physical harm, sexual harassment, and psychological harm in the form of trauma. Therefore, when a husband is drunk, he is likely to have a misunderstanding with his wife, and in the process, a fight might erupt, or they may end up insulting each other. Women and girls are always the major victims of GBV, which will cause severe harm to families, communities, and society at large.
Money spent on alcohol is sometimes more than the cost of upkeep at home. I have seen some children fetching water from boreholes early in the morning before they go to school and again after they are back from school, not because the parents cannot afford to buy a barrel of water per day but because the father is so selfish and only thinks of drinking. The most painful part is that the father of those children often sends one of them to go and buy more than four bottles of beer every evening. One bottle of beer costs around 1,200 SSP in normal shops in some residential areas. If that husband subtracted the price of a bottle of beer to buy a barrel of water at home, it would make a great difference in the lives of his children. It means that those children would not go to boreholes on a daily basis to fetch water. Instead, they would have enough time to study hard and even arrive at school on time.
I didn’t say that alcohol is totally bad. Too much of it is dangerous. It is good to drink to refresh the mind, digest food, and have fun with friends. Do not drink to the extent of competing with friends. I heard some people arguing about how they can take more than fifteen bottles of beer without ever getting drunk, others saying they can drink the whole night without experiencing a hangover, and some saying that when they drink, alcohol gives them an appetite. They do not consider the side effects of alcohol, starting with hangovers, which may result in poor performance, abstinence from work, and obviously dismissal from work, thus poverty.
Alcohol brings bankruptcy to the husband and to the home as well. For the reason that one bottle of beer costs 1,500 SSP at normal bars, but in special places near rivers, one bottle of beer is 2000 SSP, and a bottle of red wine is 30,000 SSP. The prices also vary depending on the type of alcohol and the place. Some people drink more than ten bottles of beer per day. However, the same people who spend more money on alcohol are the same people who complain to their wives at home that there is no money for a balanced diet. Some women are beaten because they ask for money for home upkeep or to pay for their children’s school tuition. Such wives end up getting beaten and abused by their alcoholic husbands.
Researchers have found that drug and alcohol abuse may lead to relationship dissatisfaction, instability, and verbal and physical aggression between husband and wife. Moreover, drinking may preoccupy a husband’s day-to-day life, putting other obligations and duties on the margins of his priority list.
A husband who is under alcohol control is likely to have an accident since he is not conscious. If the accident is serious and he gets hurt or dies, the wife’s and children’s lives would be unpredictable. The father provides feelings of protection and security not only to the children alone but to his wife as well. The absence of the father at home may increase the number of street children.
Not everyone with a drinking problem is addicted to alcohol, but everyone who drinks alcohol is likely to become addicted to alcohol. Addiction is a destructive condition that can take over someone’s life and requires professional help to recover from. Nevertheless, if the reason behind drinking alcohol is leisure, why doesn’t one take his wife and children to a nice restraint to have a great time together or Visit relatives or sick people? This, too, can be a form of leisure. Alcohol addiction and abuse affect not only wives alone but also children, neighbors, the community, and society as a whole.
In our society, many families fall apart due to irresponsible drinking habits, either by the husband or wife. Like a certain mother of five children who separated from her husband because he drinks too much to the extent that he almost loses his memory sometimes. This man was a soldier, so he would stay home for months, and if his salary was out, one of his friends would inform him, and he would go, receive the salary, and continue drinking. The mother of five children further said that the reason she left home was that her husband used to beat her badly whenever he drank alcohol. Not only that, but he also insulted her before their children. For that woman, she may think that after she separated from her husband, her life was going to be great, but the opposite is true; her life is going to be even worse. The reason is that doing a parenting job all alone is not easy.
Unhealthy drinking habits can affect any form of relationship, especially marriage. Therefore, for every married couple whose partner is a drinker, whether it is the husband or the wife who is alcoholic, take it easy knowing that you are not alone in that situation; many couples are struggling with that problem as well. Instead of worrying, have an open conversation with your spouse about his or her drinking habits. Find a calm time to have the conversation when the spouse is sober. Having such a conversation with an alcoholic partner requires strength and empathy, and if he or she is addicted, seek out professional help.
The author can be reached via tell: Tel: 0921492857; Email: Esther090119@gmail.com