Even in a competitive marriage, families used to consider the life of a groom. They used to spare a cow or two to him to use it for coping with new life as a man. Staying with his wife, he was always checked on by his in-laws and he could do the same, no matter how far his house was.
When his wife did something abominable and in-laws heard of it, they could voluntarily come to talk to their daughter. Then they could pay a heifer as what they used to call “awëëc”, meaning a recompense. Sometimes, such a heifer could be a pregnant one or it could be a lactating cow, depending on the nature of the abomination.
Even if one reached the traditional court in search of divorce, there was always a 95% chance of that marriage remaining united. In-laws and their sons-in-law were inseparable. A son-in-law could relocate to his in-laws’ side if he quarrelled with his relatives. So, you could find that a marriage was a source of good relationships.
But today, whether a competitive marriage or an unopposed one, a bride’s family takes everything that a son-in-law possesses, be they plots of land, car, money, shop, ox-plough, motorbike, bicycle, among others. They only fear to take academic credentials. But I predict degrees would be paid as part of the dowry in time to come. So, you could find that the only thing a groom has remained with is his penis.
Before he spends just a week with his wife, those whose belongings were loaned to be paid in marriage start coming one by one, wanting to be compensated. Stress begins eating up the groom and his sexual desire begins declining. Every time he dribbles the ball and kicks it in the net, wanting to score in the first half, he could not score a goal. In the second half, he could not score a goal as well. Then people go uphill, looking for a problem, but it is downhill here.
When his wife does an abomination, his in-laws turn deaf ears to him. When he drives her to her father’s house, she’s received warmly as if she comes to visit them officially. Then the groom is told to go back and wait. The in-laws sit on the unsolved problem, wanting to provoke the groom to go to court. When the groom goes to court, none of his in-laws says they need to handle the case as a family. They all agree to divorce.
Once divorced, they take their daughter to a spearman or an aluminised church to get blessed as they look forward to another son of a rich man or a politician marrying their daughter. Once married, they handle the marriage the same way as long as they have gotten what they want. So, you could find that today’s marriage is all about connection and ascension to power.
It is a commercial thing. Some families exchange their daughters for what they want. When what they want has expired, they advise their daughter to file for a divorce so that they resell her to another rich man or politician. Much attention is not put on the groom and bride. They are used by their families to get what they want, whether they love themselves or not. To me, today’s marriages are not sources of good relationships.
They have become one of the causes of the division of people. Marriage is now a market where people sell and buy goodies and part ways as easily as possible. No one enters into one another’s life as it used to be in the olden days. What could be the problem? Are marriages being upgraded to meet the standards of politics, economy, corruption and communal conflicts?
Thanks for reading “Sowing The Seed Of Truth”.