By Ustaz Mark Bang
There are many people who are selfless, kind, & caring. They have to learn not to be selfless, kind, & caring towards those who want to use & drain them, but they are more than willing to utilize their generosity for those who are deserving.
Why there are so many that aren’t this way? Those people are filled with negativity, and all negativity can be easily summed up by the seven deadly sins.
As for people only doing things for themselves, that seems a little close-minded to me. No one does everything for themselves; there’s always someone they are willing to put themselves out for. If that person has a good heart, they will bring out the best in them; if they have a cruel & selfish nature, they will only ever bring out the worst in them.
It is hard to blame you for coming to those conclusions. Many people exhibit what you describe, and almost everyone can exhibit them under difficult circumstances. This might be explained by the fact that we are not angels or saints, but animals that evolved to survive. However, it is also known that part of human evolution and survival has been the development of social consciousness in which helping and sacrificing others helps everyone.
You can call it enlightened self-interest if you want. However, these components of social consciousness and cohesiveness can manifest in magnificent displays of bravery and self-sacrifice. For example, it is well known that soldiers fight less for their country and their ideals than they do to protect the soldiers who share the battle.
They are often quite willing to die for each other. There are also many philanthropists and skilled individuals, such as doctors and lawyers, who sometimes offer services for free to benefit those without resources. Thus, while some of what you say is true, you are blind to the extraordinary good many people are willing to do for others with little if any benefit to themselves. I think you need to look harder.
The worst I hate is that so many people sometimes do what is best for their lives rather than the lives of others; their words are in sharp contrast to their actions. Actions truly show a person for what they are. For example, a “friend” has 3 dogs, and it’s starting to seem like no one around me cares whether they live or die. It makes me want to ghost almost everyone I know or worse because they suck, like they pretend they care about the dogs, but they are literally senseless starving unless I am there. I am the only person out of a dozen people who are regularly here who will feed the dogs. Like, what the hell is wrong with people? These people don’t even deserve to be my friends.
True sociopaths are generally not introspective enough to realize that they are any different from other people. At best, they mostly assume that all people are like them and merely lie when they claim to feel empathy or caring for others. There are a tiny handful of sociopaths and people with Antisocial Personality Disorder who are able to be self-aware enough to recognize that they are, in fact, different from others, but this knowledge doesn’t bother them in any way, shape, or form, for the same reason they don’t care about others to begin with.
So it doesn’t sound to me like you actually don’t care. Rather, it sounds like you are comparing your own emotions with others’ apparent emotions and feeling as if you’re coming up short. Which is very different.
Firstly, don’t compare your emotions with those of others like that. We’re all different, and we all process emotions differently. For example, I tend to feel emotions very intensely, but quickly—they come, they go, it’s over. It’s just how I am. I am neither better nor worse than someone whose grief lasts a longer period of time but is more moderate in intensity. By the same token, if your grief is quiet and doesn’t last long, that’s just how it is.
Also, I would caution you that it’s difficult to predict one’s emotions about things ahead of time. Especially grief.
ou may be surprised to find yourself feeling much more intensely than you expect to. And finally, it’s possible that your emotions are more intense than you think, but that depression or even just excessive self-analysis is keeping you from consciously feeling them in their fullness. In short, don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re not uncaring, or you wouldn’t feel bad about it. You’ve just got a knot in your head that you need to untie, that’s all.
And guess what? We ALL have our own mental ‘knots.’ You’ll get it worked out in time. I can’t tell you for sure what you’ll discover—whether that you’re depressed, or simply have quicker-flowing, quieter emotions than an average person, or something else altogether. But whatever you find, I promise, it’s OK, and you are OK.
No matter how rich or poor you are, how good or bad you are, no one has any time to give a damn about you or your life. Take any case; people soon forget about what you are doing and whatnot. Take an example of the world’s richest man. Mr. Jeff Bezos or Mr. Bill Gates—everyone knows who they are and admires them all around the world, but after a second or two, everyone forgets them. No one has enough time to remember and recognize them all day and night. Similarly, people congratulate you for your achievement, but the very next moment, as soon as you get intangible, they forget about you and your accomplishments, as everyone has to deal with their own lives, and hence, no one ever remembers you forever. It does not matter whether you are an overachiever or an underachiever; people forget everything and are more focused towards themselves. You might care about what people think.
The reality is people forming opinions behind your back don’t have enough time to get obsessed with you. They just cross the paths with you, utter some sweet or shitty words, and move on. Hence, it is completely useless to waste your time thinking about others’ opinions and missing out on various great opportunities. If something drives you, go for it; if you like someone, go for them, and ultimately what matters is your happiness. Others just come, and it does not really matter whether they are content with you or not.
Killing your happiness for someone else just because others would disapprove or won’t support is completely a shit idea. Do you ever waste your time thinking about others all day and night? No. The same is the case with others as well. At the end of the day, people do not care about you or your life. That’s all. Having your life and staying content is most significant. “Public Staunchest Ally”
The writer of this article is a human rights activist, writer, and professional teacher.