OpEd, Politics

What gentlemen fear, ladies never; responsibilities and dowry

By Chol Peter Majoh

Ladies nowadays look at marriage and predict or view it as something blissful, joyful, and promising. They think if they get married, they will have it all that they never had; be it clothes, cosmetics, love, double and so forth. In marriage, they just assumed it was all available.

On the contrary, gentlemen takes it (marriage) a tug of war (because of the ladies’ parents’ demand for bride price, also known as dowries), full of responsibilities, ups and downs, and unpromising; and they just fear. Isn’t this a great controversy?  Surely, it’s.

Elders must look into this. Otherwise, they will face the consequences of the burdens they have cumbered young people with; for I believe many of them (the elders) are taking responsibility of people (ladies and gents) who truly don’t belong to them by purity. Yes, no argument, words like, “he/she is my baby”, “that girl of mine”, “my girl/boy”, “my property” and so forth are a sign that (though they are not married) they don’t belong to the parents who gave birth to them.

Don’t ask why official marriages are rare today. It’s because of the fear of responsibility and dowries.

Because of this reason, many Ladies are wives of unknown husbands in the houses of their parents and many gentlemen are husbands of unknown wives to their parents.

At day times, the majority of young people, both ladies and gentlemen, appear humble, but at night everything turns out to be a different case. Ladies and gents at day times, and wives and husbands at night, it’s just a vice versa weird of thing.

This is what our young people are going through.  No doubt that the fear of responsibility and dowries is responsible for the mess. Parents call their ladies and gentlemen as their children not knowing what they do in the darkness.

To be honest, the youths are practicing marital life except parenting. Very few of them are exceptional, and that’s for the sake of fear of God. Otherwise, many of them absolutely need sexual satisfaction and eschew official marriages and parenting and that’s because of:

1. The fear of responsibility: Young people so much fear responsibility, because our county(South Sudan) is a no-job-creation zone. If one looks at where his or her children would be raised and what to educate them with if he or she gets married, he or she thinks of fulfilling the lust and forget about marriage and children. Very sad!

Vividly, I mean that the lack of job opportunities is another root cause of the immorality being practiced by young people of this era. Don’t be astonished to see girls no longer interested in getting married. You should not also be surprised to hear young men declaring no marrying or marriage again. That’s just because the future is uncertain, gloomy, and unpromising. No jobs, no security, no peace, why would someone marry in this situation?

2.  Dowries: Another thing that young men fear so much is the bride price of today, especially amongst the Dinka communities, Nuer, and others. You as a young person passed through the fire to get some wealth that ends up spent in just a day for just a lady. I am sorry to say just a lady. I don’t withstand the fact she has value more than what the money has.

But something is disheartening here and that’s how this wealth worked or accumulated for decades just gets spent in a day, just one day!  Yesterday before he married, he was a rich man; but today after his marriage, he becomes the poorest. No hope for his children’s education. Everything he had gathered disappeared in a day! It doesn’t stop there; even the person given that dowry goes and wastes them in a day for another wife.

Because of many burdens placed upon young people’s shoulders which are unbearable, they (Young people) have become so sexually immoral. If you don’t understand me, you will understand the proverb Young people nowadays use: “If you can get meat and milk, you don’t need a cow”

The proverb is the source of immorality nowadays. Young people are practicing abortion because of this. Too, they are using protection because of the same. Pregnancy and the illegal taking of girls away without parents’ notice, perhaps, also have their roots in the fear of responsibility and dowries.

Elders, are we together?
You must think about this, or your children will have no future as HIV and irresponsible marriages dance amongst the youth just for the fear of responsibility and dowries in the absence of the cats known as jobs and job opportunities. Illegal sexual practices are being practiced by young people who are worth marrying had it not been for the fear of responsibility and dowries. They are at marriageable ages but are being refrained by dowries and fear of responsibilities due to the absence of employment opportunities and the harsh traditions that demand hundreds of cows and millions of money.

The author is reachable via email: cholpetermajo@gmail



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