What happened? Who has talked to God to ignore me every time I pray? Who has managed to spoil my relationship with God? Who the hell is that? I never knew I would be hated that far. Wherever that person lives, may the thunder strike him/her into 15 pieces.
Does the Bible not say you become what you mostly pray for? I always pray to become successful, and it seems like I have never prayed since birth. What’s this? Where do I go wrong in my prayers? Could it be my voice, tone, content, format, time, frequency, humbleness, or submission of my prayer? I do not understand!
Do I pray like a soldier? Do I sound forceful? Do I pray at a wrong hour or place? Does the format of my prayer not meet the standard? Do I need to be so frequent? Do I not humble myself like it is needed in the Bible? Do I submit my prayer late or early? Am I being too impatient?
And why should I not be too impatient and I’m becoming 30 years old this year and no sign of success has ever crossed my eyes? Why should God target one person so badly like this or is there another person sharing this boat with me? I do not understand it completely.
The Bible says, “Knock and you be given”. But how many times should one knock, and he/she be given? The Bible should have specified it so that when knocking exceeds the time indicated for it, one should immediately complain. How many times have I knocked now, and the thing is not given to me? So many times, and no one opens for me the door.
How would I explain it if I die unsuccessful? I’m too mature to keep my success in a cool and dry place. I mean I’m too mature to keep the secrets of success between God and me. From time to time, I pray to become successful in life, but God seems to ignore me. I say “Ignore me” because I have never seen even half a sign of success.
Though this does not discourage me in one way or another, it is disheartening seeing my prayers go unanswered every year. Is it because I’m aspiring to become successful in a country whose systems are deranged without exception? How many countries outside there having deranged systems and yet people are becoming successful? This is something else!
I’m not frustrated for those who may think so, rather I’m talking to my God to answer me. When God sent an Angel of Death to bring the message of death to Jonathan, Jonathan stood up and expressed himself, going as far as asking God for what he has done to deserve death. He requested God to give him time as the mission for which he came to do was incomplete. God gave him 15 more years to live and he was happy for that.
It is not a crime to face God as long as what you present to him is right. As a devoted Christian, I am as right as rain to ask for answers from my Lord God. I have been praying to become what I pray for, but my prayers are unyielding. Is this not a thing for which to ask an answer?
I need an answer and if my prayer is too big to require many answers, then I need answers. For those praying and their prayers are unyielding, let us not conclude it that God might have quarreled with us, but let’s keep praying. Who knows we are just 10 kilometers away from our success?
The author is a medical student, University of Juba.