By Nyak Lam
If a baby urinates on the mother, a good mother will smile and say, “My baby has brought me a blessing.” She will take her piece of cloth and clean it with joy. She won’t judge the baby for urinating on her. You won’t likewise judge me for hurting you in one way or another. You can’t expect a month-old child or less to go to the toilet and urinate there. His or her toilet is the thigh of the mother. After the mother cleans the urine and smiles back at her baby, the baby will smile back at the mother. That is how the baby knows her mother loves him or her so much.
Note also that a good mother is the one who has planned to have the baby. Because her baby is her plan, she has all her love for him or her. Her focus is on the baby, not the challenge the baby gives her.
Though a good mother is happy cleaning the urine of her baby, a bad mother will see the negative side of what her baby has done. A bad mother, as I refer to here, is a mother who has no plan to have a baby. But accidentally, she has a baby. Her focus is somewhere. “Where your treasure is, your heart will also be.” Such a mother will abuse the innocent baby. She will slap the baby here and there. She will insult the father of the baby, including his lineage. You will see her cursing the child with her tongue as if the child can listen to her. She is too clean, and she smells the urine of her baby as if it were from a young youth.
Because this mother does not want to be dirty, she will think of something to solve the problem of the child urinating. She will put diapers on the child throughout. She doesn’t know where such things are made. She will block the natural air conditioning for the child. You don’t need to have a child if you don’t have a plan for the child.
If you have a plan to love me, you will accept my weaknesses as the first mother above. But if you don’t have any plans to love me, you will always focus on my weaknesses instead of my strengths. You will be cursing me, but praise God, I won’t listen to your curses like that one-month-old baby.
If a baby defecates on the mother, the mother will sing a song and say, “My child is healthy.” She finds it a big problem if the child doesn’t defecate. That should tell us the child is unhealthy. It is natural to defecate, just as it is natural to wrong a loved one. Some good mothers will rush to the doctor if the child doesn’t defecate. That shows they are concerned. A child has no problem defecating on the mother. He or she is sure of the love of the mother.
It is because I am sure of your love that I don’t have fear of wronging you. Remember, a baby will not remain a baby. The time will come when that baby will realize that it is bad to defecate on the mother. For the baby to know that the mother must educate the baby. She will show where the baby can go for defecating if that call comes. She will not surely begin with that big toilet. There is a baby toilet, and she will begin using it. She will clean the baby, even at that stage. It takes time for the baby to do things by himself or herself. If you love me, you will commit yourself to educating me like a baby. It must take me time to understand you. Please, I haven’t understood you, which is why I wronged you. Bear with me as we are in the process of discovering each other. Those who have gone to school know what learning means. You don’t become perfect in one day. Even in school, I have never heard of someone who has scored all the exams in school. Please, just know that I won’t be 100 percent perfect. Though I won’t be 100 percent perfect, there is 100 percent hope that I won’t remain hurtful.
A child will vomit on the mother, and the mother will say, “Oh, my baby is satisfied!” The child is saying, Mother, give me rest. Don’t breastfeed me anymore. She will take her handkerchief and joyfully clean the baby. She will only play with the baby. Some dangerous mothers will slap the child and say that the child has wronged them by vomiting on them. What can an innocent child do? A mother who doesn’t know what her child can take keeps breastfeeding the child with attention far away from her baby, and she still tells the child not to naturally communicate that he or she is satisfied by vomiting.
See how you keep blaming people because you think they don’t love you by sometimes complaining? Their complaint is the natural call for your attention, as a baby vomits to call the attention of the mother. Love is the attention given, but not vain words said.
Traditionally, in Africa, we don’t cut the nails of a little baby. They are kept to a certain stage where they can be cut. The baby will use these nails to test the love of the mother. The real mothers have scars on their faces because of these nails. They don’t regret or hate their babies because of that. Instead, when they are hurt by the baby, they sing a song and say, “Baby, don’t hurt your dear mother. Your nails are hurtful. Your mother loves you. She breastfeeds you. She washes you. She sings for you. She ………….”
Terrible mothers will immediately get a razor blade and cut the baby’s nails! They don’t need any temptation from the baby. They don’t know those nails have blessings with them.
Dear one, your loved one has nails like a baby! Those nails test how truly you love the person. Any person you love will still wrong you. That is normal! Love is like that! True love is known through temptation! Stop complaining! Accept the hurt! Sing the song like a mother. Remember, the nails will be cut and grow again. You will try to run away, avoiding the nails, but it is unfortunate! All the babies are born with nails! You won’t get a perfect human being. Just accept the brother, sister, mother, father, boyfriend/girlfriend, wife, husband, or relative you think hurts you a lot. Just understand that it is natural to hurt someone.
Oh, so scary! I had a baby who could cry throughout the night! I also had a strong mother who could be patient with the child throughout the night! Some babies can cry like hell. Crying is natural. That persevering mother just understands that it is a natural condition of the child. She will never curse the child because she knows God has created the child like that. She will instead entertain the child. She sings his or her songs throughout the night. Guess what? The baby will stop crying and enjoy the songs of the mother! I don’t know whether the scientists will agree with me and the culture. Many people believe that babies who cry a lot become great and intelligent when they grow up. They are also believed to be active and hardworking. Maybe the baby is communicating his or her dream to the mother.
Also, I heard many mothers of that kind testify and say, “You see, people, that boy or girl of mine gave me sleepless nights when he or she was a baby. But now he or she has become a good boy or girl.” The mother is saying that she has experience to share with people. Know this: the most influential and great speakers in our world today are people who have experiences and testimonies to share.
Likewise, your loved one can be like that baby. You may say he or she is complaining a lot. He or she is so annoying to you. He or she is a big headache to you. He or she demands a lot from you. Yes, that may be true. But you need to understand that it is the life of that person. You just need to imitate the mother above. Start composing your songs and sing for him or her. It is your duty to entertain the person. Like the mother joking with her grown-up baby, you can also joke with your loved one when you get old. You will say, “You disturbed me a lot those years, but I loved you so much that I didn’t take it badly.” The baby stops crying to enjoy the songs of the mother. Your loved one will stop being a problem to you and enjoy your kindness or unconditional love.
Playing is a hobby for every baby! The lovely mother will play with her baby most of the time. As proven by many scientists, children learn by playing. Only a bad mother will stop the child from playing. When the baby starts playing, she will call someone to take the baby. She thinks that when the child plays, it is when the child does not need her. She thinks her baby needs her for food only. Playing for a child makes life so easy.
In the same manner, love grows by playing. There are reasonable jokes that many people ignore. Why do many people think playing is bad? Some think they are not children to play. Some say that they are too smart to play. While others say that they are too big or official to play, Jesus calls children to play with him. Who is more official or big than him? The late Queen Elizabeth was described as the most powerful queen in history. She could make jokes with everyone, including children. Are you more than her? You need to know that it is wisdom that plays and nothing else.
In my own understanding, playing means simplicity. It means you become so simple to the point of humbling yourself to learn from someone or to be learned by someone. Playing relieves you from stress or other harmful things that you may be holding in your heart. Playing also means that everyone can approach you. People who don’t joke are hard to reach. True love plays. Play if you truly want to be loved but understand your jokes.
In conclusion, true love is a principle. It is not a mere perceived emotion. It has to be real. It must be seen in actions, words, and deeds integrated as one.
Tr. Nyak Lam Wuol Liep is an English and Literature teacher. He can be reached via Tell: 0922534953 or Email: nyaklamc@gmail.com