I have had my case with God, and then I had to lose. God is not a man’s equal but whomever he chooses wins. That is why Jesus was mocked by the world and he was declared a winner after three days.
I have got thousands of cases with my life and my world. I want to win these games, not me alone. God must take the lead. He must help me to conquer the enemy.
And there is a reality here to behold, God is some distance away and he is telling me to hold on. To fight or flight. His message comes in the form of a letter. I don’t know if he was clear in his language.
His letter was too divine for a mortal man to decipher. I could only read the last line. His conclusion. “My son, try or cry”. Or try and never die trying… or if you die, it is all part of the grand design. We are all losers in this life.
But why do we have to lose when we have all the winning cards, when we have God? This time, God was mute. He couldn’t speak. Lest I don’t have the right words, God is not a loser.
Then there was my future, so thin and tired standing in front of me. He was asking me to take heed of the message. God’s word is always final. Not even bloody tears will change a thing about it. “Try or cry”.
I have cried before and my own future was swimming in a deep river of tears. I have grown this future for years; I have invested my time, my energy and health to ensure that this future is fatter and brighter.
Now there was something else, a body that looked like street children in the street of Juba. I blame life. This life sucks. I hate this life. I don’t hate it. I celebrate it. I don’t!
I have known life for years, as a roommate of death, of the things we fear. Of suffering and pain. But is there something better than having life answer some of these questions in the court?
You might wonder why. Yes you don’t know why because you don’t need to know what you know. For one reason or the other, I have many questions.
First of all, you never asked for a place here. Natural selection screwed you. Let us dive into how it all started.
Your journey was never easy. Blame life for that. Long before you knew of your identity, you were some kind of sperm. God knows how you survived out of 15 million cells.
These weird things happened at some point and you became a fetus. Your mother nearly got killed during the war. Praise God or Karma, you would have been gone by now.
After a few months in your mother’s womb, you were born into existence and you became a resident of a painful world. Some weeks and your mother decided that you will be vaccinated to protect you from some ailments.
You were given something sweet and bitter at the same time, life which comes with a lot of things. As you grew older, you discovered certain things. You found out that food could be so delicious.
You also realized that certain food gives you a runny stomach. You get to know that food doesn’t fall from the sky. You learned that some people are not as fortunate as you are.
As time goes by, you also get to learn about people. The government and the citizens. If you are lucky, you will find most of your services, health care and social services well catered for by the government. If you are not, you will have a lot to ask until you are lowered in your grave. You find that corrupt governments kill people and impoverish the masses.
As you mature, you learn bad things. You will see poverty in a world of plenty. You will come across wars and global warming, inequality and extra judicial killings, violence extremism.
“Hold your breath!” You have not seen anything yet. You soon find out that some people can really be so bad. You have all the two sides of the story now. You learn that your chances of making it in life are narrow.
One thing remains the same and it is a sad truth about life. You don’t control 90 per cent of what happens to you. The 10 per cent is just a bonus. You are already in your 20s and have got nothing.
If you have never been to school before, you have something to worry about. And if you have been to school, there are a lot of things to worry about too.
You soon realize that life is an endless journey. It is a battle that you can never win. This is why I sued life in court. He must answer my questions. We have had our first hearing at birth. This time, I almost lost. I got so sick that I almost bid the world a goodbye.
But somehow, with the help of God, I managed to be on the safer side. There was a second round. I was never ready for this one. There was school to attend. The people who brought me to this world tried so hard to see me through but they fell off the wagon.
There is always something that your dad can do for you but not everything. As a young person, I had to face life head-on and it was too big for me. I had to fight it off. I know I am going to lose this game but I must give life a human face.
As humans, we share almost the same stories. No wonder, our problems are not different. As you question why life is so painful, never forget to do your part.
We are losing this in life at the end but as long as there is life, we need to give our very best. We win as we also lose. We should not despair. We must soldier on. We must lose knowing that we have tried our very best.
If you are in the hospital bed, school, or struggling with heartbreak, poverty and sickness, never give up. Swallow a big pie and grab life by the horns.
Thanks for reading.