By Ustaz Mark Bang
One thing for sure is, December is by far the most expensive month of the year.
This causes a lot of money worries and tension in families. People ask you out a lot, and sadly you can’t afford it, plus it’s too frequent at this time of year.
You crave just that little time to do your own thing that you deserve. You ask them if it can wait until January, but in January everyone stays in like a hermit. So in December there is all this pressure just to do it. As I don’t put much weight on Christmas and work in a hospital, I bluntly refuse to spend more than I will save.
It’s a hard month, and I make it harder myself, but I try not to be sucked into Christmas, but because I’m not getting any holidays over this time, it’s so hectic for me. I wish it could be just a religious ceremony.
So the little time I get to spend at home, I’m forced into crap Christmas things, which are the same old for me. Boring and unexciting. I volunteer to work nearly all of it, and in January I have a bit of a rest. My bank balance suffers like crazy this time as my family spends a lot. I find it hard to take my eye off it!
Another reason is Christmas is near the shortest day of the year (21st December); the lack of sunlight and persistent shitty weather do nothing to help. It’s still too early to think spring, and we feel trapped in a winter abyss and told to enjoy garish little elves and songs aimed at children, and everyone expects us to smile.
When this is a struggle, you can end up feeling more isolated when everything is about Christmas and you want to say, Piss off.
I think because it is SO built up these days. Everyone expects this or that, and it doesn’t happen most of the time. Too much commercialism. I think it is the way the world is these days. People going into a lot of debt to buy things for everyone, decorate the house, throw parties, have dinner, etc.
I’m trying to lighten the load in our family by keeping things limited. The food is fine, but downsizing gifts and trying to simplify things. That way people aren’t so disappointed, stressed, overtired, etc. And no bills to pay off! It doesn’t even seem like Christmas anymore. It’s all about what you get, where you shop, money, money, money.
A small gift that you know someone will really like is fine. It’s the thought that counts, not the pocketbook. Besides, you can use the money you saved for gifts for children who would otherwise get nothing, food for the elderly and poor, whether giving to a shelter, mission, or buying bags or canned goods for the poor and needy to be eaten at home. I think we would all feel better if we shared some of it with those who need it most.
If you struggle with managing high stress or depression, the holidays can feel like you’re running a tinsel-covered gauntlet. In slow motion. With someone forcing you to run with bells on. Less sunlight, increased demands on your time, energy, and financial resources, and an overall expectation to have a “happy” holiday can all contribute to feeling more stressed or depressed. There are several things you can do, though, to keep your stress levels down through the season and maybe even find yourself enjoying it.
Firstly, determine what’s important to you about the holidays. Ask yourself what you want to celebrate and why. Do you want your holidays to be about your faith, your family, service, other important connections, and/or holiday traditions? What do you truly want to be a part of? Figuring this out can make a huge difference in how you navigate the season, as it can act as your guide to what to say yes and no to during the holidays. And calculate how low your personal energy battery charge will be after events you are saying “yes” to, so you build in time to recharge.
Secondly, plan your pitstops. The weeks between Thanksgiving and New Year’s can feel like running a marathon for anyone already on overload. So, like a good marathoner, plan your pit stops where you’re going to stop, refresh, refuel, and relaunch. Schedule in downtime, time with that friend who always helps you keep perspective, a session with your therapist, a massage, a nap, a run, or just time to chill alone.
Thirdly, say NO to drama. The increased demands on everyone at the holidays can create the opportunity for “drama” to unfold. Whether that occurs in the workplace, in the checkout line, or at family get-togethers, the holidays are rarely the time to attempt to manage conflict successfully. Table any heated discussions or simply refuse to participate. When the holidays are over, you can revisit any issue that is unresolved when heads are cooler and everyone is less stressed.
Finally, hoot for the middle. Ditch perfectionism, if that’s a problem for you, as well as all-or-nothing thinking. Instead, work to find creative solutions instead of spreading yourself, your family, or your paycheck too thin. Keep your expectations realistic and recognize that something is better than nothing. And that nothing has to be perfect.
Remember that some of the best memories many people have of holidays past are of ones where nothing went as planned; it was all managed with good cheer. Please keep a little money for the worst and longest month, January, in Arabic the forty days month (shar arbayin). Thanks for reading. “Public Staunchest Ally”
The writer of this article is a human rights activist, writer, and professional teacher.