I have been to some hospitals and been through moments of silence, of pain. I have seen families struggle with virtually nothing to save the life of their loved ones and most times, it ends with tears and pain. It is not about how much we try. It is how we care; it is the love that we share even when we know it is not going to work, the tears we shed.
There are days when we count on God; there are also moments when we think the doctor is the way. You can’t handle the stress that comes with the calls from home. “What did the doctor say?” Sometimes, the best thing you could do is to switch off your phones.
With God seated in his golden chair, I don’t know what comes to his mind, when that sick person bombards you with thousands of questions at night. “Am I going to get out of this or is there someone who has been through this before and they came out with a victory story?”
You just know that you are lying when you say that God will change the story because you are not God. And if he really cares, he shouldn’t leave you to question his authority. But there, you have nothing better to do than to sit down in prayer. And each day, you count minutes, hours, days and then months.
There are days that bring tears to your eyes, there are also months when you see a brighter future and there are weeks when life goes dark, days when you can’t talk to each other as if something is going to happen. Imagine God seated with his legs crossed, smoking his pipe. And am tempted to ask, why did you abandon us? But you know what? We don’t question God because it will end in nothing; he will just look at you without answers.
I have never doubted God but there are situations that forced me to do so. For most of my life, I have had unanswered questions. From childhood and up to day, there are questions that give me sleepless nights. “Why is life the way it is and is our path set at birth?”
I have seen families with so much that they don’t know what to do with it and I have also witnessed extreme poverty, families who constantly prayed for the next meal. You can imagine the great inequality in the world. You can also think of other people who tried anything humanly possible and it is not working out for them. As a matter of fact, this life will make you cry when you want to laugh and the opposite.
When you think it is the end that is actually the beginning. There are days when this life just goes mad and you will be left wondering what you have done wrong to deserve it all. Sometimes you could be a hard-working person and at the end of the day you end up failing. After all the years of pulling the ropes, life will then ask you to go the extra mile.
You know your story as a student, how it started and what you have gone through to remain in class. There were times when your parents told you that you would not go to school because there was no money. And somehow, they managed to sell one of your family goats to redeem your tuition fees.
You can remember the joy of completing your high school and the mountain that is still there for you to climb. The university and your parents are aging. This time, you have to do multitasking. You realize that everything you have been told from childhood was a scam. And that is how you live each day trying to understand. And it keeps getting murkier as you go.
The day you realize that we cannot control almost 90 per cent of the things that happen to us in life is the day when you will find some rest. You have to just live and let the universe do what it pleases.